For my last post I asked 13 moms to give me some advice to those who are becoming moms or who have just entered the new mom club. The advice was amazing!! But there was one that went above and beyond. It was honest, blunt, and just what every mom should hear. She wants to remain anonymous, I’ll just call her my friend “D”, but I had to share anyway. Enjoy and pass it on to someone you know who needs to read this!
“So I was asked by a friend for “working mommy advice”.
I used to love writing, I used to actually be pretty good at it (I was told J). In grade 12, I had the highest score on the provincial exam (100%) for all of Manitoba. I feel like this new generation of texting has destroyed that a bit. Today, we only speak in sound bytes. I am guilty of this too. When I see 4 paragraphs, I just hit “pass”. But writing is so therapeutic for the soul, so I’m going to buck the trend and be a little long winded.
So here’s a confession….I get annoyed by a LOT of mommy blogs. I think they make moms sound whiny and self-depricating and get way too over-sensitive about things. So I’m not sure my advice will resonate on the “mommy blog scene”. I have not mastered this by all means…..I fuck up all the time. But this is what I strive for. Here goes…..
First off, I didn’t have a “typical” mother raising me. I was raised by a single mom who ran a 150 cow-calf beef farm raising 4 kids with 100% custody. Still today, I have not met another single mom that took on what my mom did. There was no 8-5, there was no pink & blue jobs around the house, money was very tight, and Mom was usually over-stressed and quick to anger. For this life, I am very grateful, (and maybe a little over hardened). I admire and understand her so much more as a mother myself.
Today, as a mother of a 5 year old girl and newborn boy, I don’t fit many of the mother molds either (as I read these mommy blogs…)
How to balance life as a working mom: I’m not at any place to give any advice!
I just had my second baby and am on my 1 year maternity (O’ Canada, Our Home and Native Land!). Two kids (even 5 years apart) are more like triple the work than double. Running a home is hard work, there is so much shit to do every day! My FitBit clocks 15,000 steps almost every day just keeping everyone fed and not living in filth. Serious, that’s just cleaning, laundry and meals. When I was working, it would be more like 5,000 steps a day. But regardless, at the end of the day, now living both lives, I know the truth, I feel equally as exhausted and both are equally as important!
I’m the “corporate mom”. I love my job and I’m very good at it and am OK saying that loud and proud. It provides me with a lot of self-worth. I work in a very competitive environment where the harder you push, the more you accomplish. I’ve always done better under pressure. That’s why Mom Life is hard for me sometimes, it’s too easy to be lazy. There is no budget to hit to benchmark accomplishments against. I realize that many Moms will not be able to relate to this, so sometimes I feel uncomfortable sharing my true thoughts for fear of sounding selfish. One thing I learned with Mommy World: selfish = bad mom.
I’m the higher income earner in our house and working part time is not a possibility in my career. My husband works full time also and double/triple time in spring and fall and I am very proud of him. But I have always been the more career focused of us two. Many couples live this life, it’s less common that it’s the woman’s career that drives the household’s directions.
So I feel before giving any advice, it’s fair to know what glasses I’m looking from.
Every day I try to figure this out. Some days I feel like I’m kicking ass and I do a silent fist pump. Other days I hang my head in shame that I should have done so much better. I remember life before kids, and I did the same in my work life. So this is why I’ve tried to treat Mommy life like my career. I think working mommies are amazing inspirations to their kids and teach their kids to be independent and driven to push hard when things are tough and crazy. This is something to be very proud of and don’t feel bad about taking value away from stay at home moms if you say it out loud. SAHM are so amazing too and I so admire them. I struggle with this, scared to say out loud what I love about being a working mom as opposed to SAHM, worried of offending someone in this over-sensitive social media world.
I’ve learned that women are just as powerful at inspiring each other and giving each other the kick in the butt we need too! So let’s all just focus on that piece! Push on girl! We can do this!” ~ “D”
Blogger | Mom of 1 Stepmom of 5! | Psychology Grad | Life Motivator | Social Media Influencer | I ❤️ My LEO, our puggle Mossie & our 2 cats | all things Madonna ?